The what and the why

I have been thinking a LOT lately about what I really want. A LOT. I seem to work in an industry that provides me a means of producing more or less whatever I want. Very often there are subtle restrains imposed by client requirements, matters of taste, lighting conditions, weather, etc...but on the whole I am hired because of how I see things and execute. And when I am working on personal projects I only answer to myself which is even MORE freeing. But I find that this tends to lead me down paths that frustrate me. An image driven career for me is really all I can imagine (that is, taking photographs. I'm obviously not tooooo into image. Have you seen my clothes?) but sometimes I feel a certain nag of narcissism—especially with the work I do for myself that isn't part of a specific project. I get pretty concerned with the What and Why I am shooting pretty often which is pretty annoying when on the surface all I wanna do is take photographs, but in the ubiquitous, universal task to find meaning in what one does in life, it seems more reasonable for me to try to Answer these questions instead of sweeping them under the rug.
 
 
I'll digress a bit. I'm trying to cull down my real desires to a solid core that can be applied to ALL the work I do and really all of life. I've made efforts so far to intentionally do some things I hear people later in life (ie, kids, mortgages, old age) regret not having done. I just got back, as you likely know if you're reading this in the first place, from traveling eastern Europe with two friends. Why? Why the hell not. Now, it is true it puts a serious strain on my resources to jaunt off for three weeks and basically ONLY spend money, not to mention travel costs, but in the continuing years of my life I have to think it was the better idea. I figure, why make money if you don't do something you want with it. A bit selfish maybe..and perhaps not the best financial plan. But here I am off topic again.
 
 
I'm not saying I have the answers I'm looking for (like, for instance, why is there a "w" in the word answer) but I will be looking for them. I know the work I need to do is beyond myself. I need to find out what that means. I have always felt a need for my work to be "important". I should work out what exactly that means too.
 
 
Hopefully this note isn't too much like Philosophy 101.
 
 

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